Come To Me

"Weary, burdened wanderer
There is rest for thee
At the feet of Jesus, 
In his love, so free

Listen to His message
Words of life, forever blest
Oh, thou heavy-laden
Come to me, come and rest

There is freedom, taste and see
Hear the call, come to me
Run into His arms of grace
Your burden carried, He will take

Bring Him all thy burdens
All thy guilt and sin
Mercy's door is open
Rise up, and enter in

There is freedom, taste and see
Hear the call, come to me
Run into His arms of grace
Your burden carried, He will take

Jesus, there is waiting
Paitently for thee
Hear Him, gently calling
Come all, come to me
Come oh, come to me
Wont you come?"
- "Come to Me" by The Village Church (feat. Lauren Chandler)

ITS 2013!  And today, Jesus bids us to come to him, on a day where so much newness gives us tiny glimpses of hope. Of something better, even if only for a minute. He bids us to join him on a journey towards being transformed by the renewal of our minds.  He bids us to focus our thoughts and life on Him.  He bids that we give ourselves fully to the adventure of increasing attentiveness of His presence.  This year. Today.

I usually stay away from New Years Resolutions because I am the person that gives up on Week 1.  And more than anything I hate disappointing myself.  Seems like the ultimate low to make lofty goals of grandeur and then fail miserably at them.  If I could sum up what I would ahem, resolute, this year..it would be that I in general "suck less." (as my friend Kallyn says.)  My flesh screams that I can fix the brokenness in me, the lonliness and the sin nature that keeps me running back to that which will not satisfy.  Suck less, Allyson.  Pull it together.  Eat healthy, work out, dont say cuss words.  Rules which I break as often as I keep. My feeble attempts at holiness and goodness fall so very short.

Instead of this game of pass and fail, my prayer this year, for 2013, is like that of Jesus.  I pray that I can run to God and not away from him even when I feel completely unworthy of him and essentially useless as a human being.   My prayer is that I would experience more of His holy presence and that in seeing more of Him, I would not think of myself as much but that I would have eyes to see and ears to see as He does.  That I would practice thinking more highly of God, that I would trust in his sovereignty and goodness and delight in his truth.

Anne Lamott says that "If I were going to begin practicing the presence of God for the first time today, it would help to begin by admitting the three most terrible truths of our existence: that we are so ruined, and so loved, and in charge of so little."

And she is right.  We are hopeless outside of Jesus, and this Jesus is unimaginably in love with us, wanting us, bidding us "Come."  So instead of me buckling down and trying to be all that I feel I am supposed to be, I pray "help." I have run out of good ideas on how to fix the unfixable, so I have decided to finally stop trying to heal my own sick stressed mind, with my own sick stressed mind. 

These prayers remind me that I am not in charge, that I cannot fix anything, and that I open myself to being helped by something, or someone. These prayers acknowledge that I am clueless, but that God isn’t. It means I stop trying to figure it out, because trying to figure it out is exhausting and crazy-making.  

 

Lamott says "When we cry out for Help, or whisper it into our chests, we enter the paradox of not going limp and not feeling so hopeless that we can barely walk, and we release ourselves from the absolute craziness of trying to be our own—or other people’s—higher powers. We can be freed from a damaging insistence on forward thrust, from a commitment to running wildly down a convenient path that might actually be taking us deeper into the dark forest. Praying “help”means that we ask that something give us the courage to stop in our tracks, right where we are, and turn our fixation away from the Gordian knot of our problems. We stop the toxic peering and instead turn our eyes to something else."

 

So welcome 2013, may this year be one of prayer, steadfastness, trust, and and increasing knowledge of the glory of God.  May it be a year of love, adventure, hope, wellness, and peace.  May my eyes and focus always be set on who God is and not who I am.  May his glory result in my joy, and may I serve and honor him in a way that is worthy of who He is.  To him be the glory, here, and in the years to come forever and ever amen.

Come Let Us Return To The Lord

Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces, but he will heal us; he has injured us, but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us that we might live in his presence. Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.” -Hosea 6:1-3 

Currently, I am sitting in my beautiful office, with a view of the mountains and the majestic towers of Valor listening to a calming Bon Iver. I live with my 2nd family, I have my dream job, and all thanks and glory to the God who ordained it. This was not my own doing, but as it stands, I am well acquainted with comfort. 

And yet…surrounding me and engulfing my mind is sadness, discomfort, and hurt. I ache for those less fortunate than me, and my heart rages against the injustice. Why God? How much longer will you let this go on? This weekend has left me feeling numb…then totally not numb, angry and hopeless. An elementary school? The horror. And yet, so many children all over the world experience trauma just as devastating every day. How can this happen? How have we have gotten so far from Christ?  I am shaking my head in disbelief.

I am urged to do something about it; to stop this madness. To scream at God, and tell him that we can’t do this anymore and that he needs to come get us. We can’t do it, IT'S TIME JESUS! I want to cry and tell him to make it all stop. I want out. The pain is insurmountable, and the hurt is unbearable. Hearts are absolutely breaking all over the world. One of my favorite authors says it perfectly: “It’s all I can do. I’ve reached my threshold. I am begging for morning, praying for the dawn. I am truly in a season of Advent, waiting. Jesus, when are you going to come and make all things new? When will you redeem these losses and heal this land? When will children be safe? When are you coming? We are waiting, a groaning earth. We are aliens and strangers, reaching toward the kingdom, gasping. The hope torch is so heavy. 

My only answer in the face of all this madness is Jesus. I literally have no other words, no better narrative. I believe Him. Just like He came the first time, in the margins, and the earth received her King, I know He is still here, ruling the world with truth and grace. I know He cares and He sees and He will be found. I know He is the light of the world, even though the night is so dark, so pitch black.” 

Despite all of my longing and lofty ideas of how to redeem all of this, I cannot even fix myself…much less the rest of the world. I find myself helpless and broken at the feet of a holy God. I am part of this problem in the first place. I am reminded that, in itself, moral failure is not our biggest problem. Instead, the most hideous problem in the world is a failure to see God for who He really is. We get really messed up when we dont know who God is...and what He thinks of us.

My flesh and the enemy speak out that God must be perpetually displeased and disappointed with my feeble attempts at obedience. And yet, in the bible I find something totally and utterly different. Astoundingly different. GRACE. God’s mercy to sinners is not calculated and careful, it is lavish and outrageous. 

It is baffling to me that after years of following this Jesus, who loves me with such persistence that it sometimes makes my head spin, that I can still lose sight of the offer he makes every day, every hour. The gospel that says “it is finished” and “come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.” I forget all too often. I forget that the gospel is for Christians; for me. That it was at my worst that Christ died for me. How is that possible? Outrageous grace, unending love; it makes no sense. 

Yet, it’s true. It is true in the highest sense. Ephesians says:
“As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. BUT BECAUSE OF HIS GREAT LOVE FOR US, GOD, WHO IS RICH IN MERCY, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” 

God is so frustrating and awe-inspiring. The whole concept is just absolutely ludicrous. Undeserving acceptance, unrequited love, unending mercy and grace. This rails against everything that seems true. Today though, I choose to believe it.  Because it is our only hope.

An oh, do I feel the weight of my inability to make my heart completely submissive to Him. This morning, I am pleading with Jesus for a heart that loves Him rightly, claiming the blood of Jesus to cover my constant and overwhelming shortcomings. I feel this holy discontentment for where my life is, and where I want it to be. I want more of Him. More of the joy and peace that he offers. So with my failures and anger and confusion and frustration and tear-filled rage blackouts, I find myself re-reading Hosea 6. “Come let us return to the Lord…” 

And so I will.

Come Ye Sinners

Come ye sinners, poor and needy
Weak and wounded, sick and sore
Jesus ready, stands to save you
Full of pity, love and power

Come ye thirsty, come and welcome
God's free bounty glorify
True belief and true repentance
And every grace that brings you nigh

Come ye weary, heavy laden
Lost and ruined by the fall
If you tarry until you're better
You will never come at all

I will arise and go to Jesus
He will embrace me in his arms
And in the arms of my dear Savior
There are 10,000 charms 

Overwhelmed

The past month has been essentially a blur for me.  I took a trip to Texas at the end of July to see my lovely family and spent some time in the heat playing sand volleyball and getting snowcones with my sibs.  Also did a lot to regain some Texas twang in my accent. Can't let it go.

There is something beautiful about Texas hidden beneath the sweat and heat and incredible vastness, and it's found in the faces of everyone I love there.  I enjoyed a full weekend with Becca, making dinner together and catching up like it seems we always are.  I always leave unbelievably encouraged after spending time with her.  Cara, my long lost high school buddy, even made a quick appearance to say hello.  A quick trip to The Village Church set us home bound with tears in our eyes and full hearts, tender to the unwavering mercy and grace of God the Father. 

The next week was spend mostly at the pool or at the sand volleyball courts watching Carson shine at the King of the Beach tournament. I was swelling with pride.  I got a lot of sun, and a lot of good quality time with my family that I love so dearly.  The whole vacation was capped off with a trip to the lake with Megan Templin, wakeboarding and reminiscing the days when we saw each other more than once a year.  

It felt good to be home, and it was a nice transition into the whirlwind of emotions and blessing that the next week would bring.


I moved South!  (Closer to Texas, but still in Colorado)  I am living with the most amazing, unbelievable family - the Haskins.  They have graciously provided me a home here in Colorado, treating me like I am part of their family.  And oh, there isn't a better family, aside from my own, that I would want to be a part of.  This precious family is my new definition of God's magnificent grace.  I am blown away at their generosity of welcoming me into their home, and sometimes feel like crying at how lucky I feel to be a part of such a God-centered, grace-drenched household.  It is the most evident of the blessings and provision that God has showered down on me this month.  I am so unbelievably and undeservedly blessed by them on an hourly basis.

I am working full time and full days at Valor Christian High School.  There aren't enough words in the English language to correctly emphasize this God ordained miracle.   I am obsessed with my co-workers, and completely at peace with putting my authority under the leadership at Valor and the men and women who serve on the Board of Directors there.  I am blown away at how Christ-centered my work environment is.  We often spend time in worship and prayer, and had a staff / faculty retreat in the mountains to spend time with our Lord Jesus and to begin authentic relationships with new co-workers.

On top of everything thus far, I get to work with high school kids. All day.  Every day. What a dream.  I get to plan fun events for them, and just hangout with them and talk about Jesus.  I get to love on them, laugh with them, cry with them, and be a part of showing them the majesty of the God we serve during some extremely transformative years of their lives.  I get to point them towards Jesus.  However, I can guarantee, though, that God is transforming me just as much.  I don't know how to physically take in all the joy that I am experiencing.  I am being radiantly lavished upon by Christ, and I don't know what to do besides laugh.  And cry.  And worship in every way possible.  I am overwhelmed, and whatever word is more powerful than that.

I know that it won't always be this way.  I know that happiness can be stolen in one instant, but this joy is set deep in my heart and for this season, I am so unrealistically overjoyed to be serving the God that I love in this capacity.

Thank you Jesus, for loving someone so undeserving and lowly as me.  Thank you for wanting me despite my consistent and constant failures.  Oh God you are so good.  Let me life reflect my love and passion for you.  All glory and honor and praise to you, my King.  Please help me to love others as you have so perfectly loved me. 

Thankful Thursdays

1. Manicures and Pedicures with your best friend on a particularly rough day. Naturally I got french and she got barbie pink. No shock here, people.

2. THE POOL.  THE POOL.  THE POOL!

3. TEXAS VACATION THIS WEEK, and naturally this awesome t-shirt that Kristin sent me via snail mail.

4. These two idiots, and hammocks in the backyard. 

5. The great city of Denver which I am so extremely blessed to call home.

6. Sunset walks at Wash Park.

7. Spending some quality time with this hott mama this weekend. 

 

8.  Pretending we still live in the same town, and loving on my little clone of a BFF in Dallas.

9.  Savoring some ACTUAL Tex-Mex.
10.  My last day of work at the full time job.....TODAY.  Praising the Lord for the past 2 years at this job and for the opportunity to move on!


SO VERY THANKFUL THIS WEEK!!!!!

Plane Crash

I loved having my brothers and sister here. It’s like a little piece of home showing up in the mountains, wrapped in movie quotes and exceptional senses of humor. But upon the closing of my car door as I departed from the airport, the quiet engulfed me like a warm blanket. I reflected on the weekend and relayed details to the parents, reminiscing on all the laughter and idiocy of our time together. 

After a week full of 90 miles per hour, I am exceedingly ready for an afternoon in my hammock dozing off in the sunshine. I need solitude, and some one on one time with Jesus. Just to think. To rest. To sleep. I find this need more apparent in myself as I get older. Maybe I am going to end up turning into my mother after all. 

There is something about paying attention, about prayer, about being present to the world in every moment. This weekend I abandoned my phone and my computer (for the most part) and just lived mostly outside. I think it’s what we were created for despite the fact that everyone knows I am a complete technology whore.  But, there is a way of choosing to live in the now, whatever it might look like. There is something about preserving my sense of wonder, presence, and attentiveness to the beauty of the world that God has placed me in.

And stopping to breathe, it heals me. I need my days to be punctuated by moments of rest and awe in the beauty of my God and the beauty of his creation. Because the beauty and wonder and awe, they are always there just waiting for me to pause and look around. Here is some photo documentation of the weekend:

Some Advice, Maybe

Life is funny. Everyone lives this completely different reality and none of them can really ever coincide. I can never get someone to FULLY understand how I feel and what I think. Probably because not even I know how I feel and what I think most days. Don’t get me wrong; one of the biggest blessings in this world is to be able to walk alongside others through the ups and downs and twists and turns of life. To love and be loved. However, we are each living our own story – I can’t have yours and you can’t have mine, and sometimes the story includes the same people over and over again and sometimes it moves you across the country to walk (or snowboard) with people you’ve never met. 

Some of the greatest people I know live in Texas, some live in Colorado or Florida or Tennessee. Even Louisana which is baffling. Futher, one actually lives in New York…which is a phenomenon because there can probably only be one good person in New York at a time. New York is the anti of everything I value in life (sweatpants/nature&outdoors/naps/etc.) Some of my friends are terribly happy, some frustrated, some mad as hell, some wondering what’s next, and some exhausted to the point that it manifests in what appears as drunkenness. 

Everyone’s problem is how we are going to spend this one odd and precious life that we have been issued. Whether we are going to push, and stress, and fight to the top trying to achieve whatever goal it is that we think will quiet the throbbing ache and anxiety inside us. Or whether we are going to stop, rest, taste and smell life, enjoy it, and figure out who we really are as opposed to who we think we are supposed to be. 

Some advice, maybe:

I don’t know where you are right now, if you are hurting or crying or laughing or dancing or doing drugs in the girls bathroom, but I do know that you are not the sum of whatever it is that you think defines you. Unless of course, you think that God defines you…in which case you would be spot on correct and you should immediately consider stopping the drugs. In the end we are all exactly as God says we are, despite every achievement and every rejection or failure. And God says we are fiercely loved. And, while it’s extremely hard to believe during these hard times of the mundane 8-5 schedule, we are free. We are here to love and be loved, freely. 

I don’t know about you but I think sometimes I get caught up running the rat wheel.  And lately, I’ve remembered that life isn’t about being famous or making money or gaining respect from people who actually could care less because, for me, I feel best when I’m not doing much. When I’m in nature preferably by a campfire with beloved other souls, or very quiet, or paradoxically, listening to music. That’s when I can sit back and remember that I am here for a purpose, and that purpose is not to become “the best version of myself.” I am here to love and be loved, and to glorify the One who created me for exactly that. 

Can we all agree that nothing feeds the spirit like a sense of humor? Maybe we just try to laugh a lot - at everything, and travel…and rest. Lay in a hammock outside under a big tree and read a book. Calm down. Pray alot. And when things are hard, we are free to cry hard, pressing into suffering in hopes that there is a future glory where pain doesn’t exist. And maybe let’s do something for people who need help, because the day is coming where you are that person. Be thankful. And maybe let’s stop being so asthmatic with anxiety because that just culminates in us wasting this gift that is life.

If you hear nothing else: Get to know Jesus. He is infinitely and eternally worth it. Read the bible and just find out about Him.  Ask Him about himself. Ask him what he thinks about you. He is crazy beyond comprehension, and amazing, and perfect, and worthy of our worship. Jesus is the only thing that makes our human existence REALLY mean something; it is only through him that we are able to enter into something of significance that is much, much bigger than ourselves.